Source: My UM
No one goes into a romantic relationship expecting it to end some day. But like it or not, sometimes things just don’t work out and relationship breakups are a fact of life. And whether you are the heart breaker or the heart-broken, ending a relationship is never easy. So if you are unlucky enough to experience a breakup, how should you get over it? More importantly, what are the do’s and don’ts when you are in a relationship?
Time Heals the Wound Left by a Breakup
Michael Lo, a second-year student from the Faculty of Social Sciences (FSS), have experienced two breakups, with the most recent and difficult one happening about six months ago. He still liked his former girlfriend when they broke up because of personality clashes, so in the early days after the breakup, he naturally felt a little depressed, but understanding that life must go on, he gradually came to terms with the breakup. ‘Every breakup leaves a wound, but time heals everything,’ he says. ‘I’ve learned to let go of the past and I’m ready to start a new relationship when the right one comes along.’ Asked what he wants to say to his ex-girlfriend, he says, ‘Eat well. Sleep well. Smile often.’
Kenneth Lao, a third-year student from the FSS, had his most recent breakup about a year ago. He was the one who made the decision to break up with the other person because he could no longer put up with the girl’s petulance and wilfulness. ‘Everything had to be done her way, and eventually I just got tired, so I broke up with her,’ he explains. This breakup has changed the way he looks at romantic relationships. ‘Now I feel that being in a relationship is not as wonderful as I imagined it would be,’ he says. ‘It’s just a waste of time and money.’ In the first couple of weeks after the breakup, Lao could hardly drag himself to the classroom, moping around all day and drowning his sorrows in sad songs in karaoke with his friends. Even now he is still not interested in starting a new relationship.
Expert Advice on How to Love with Both Your Heart and Your Head
Dr Chen Weiwen from the Faculty of Education is a relationship expert. She advises young people to be prepared for the possibility of a breakup before entering a romantic relationship. As unromantic as this may sound to any starry-eyed lovebirds, Dr Chen has good reason to make this suggestion. ‘Many people enter a relationship thinking the other person will be their lifelong partner. But it’s wrong to think this way. That person is just one of the many possibilities, and we should learn to take breakups in our stride,’ she says. Dr Chen suggests that having fun with friends, or even going on a self-imposed exile, as long as it’s done within reasonable limits, is an acceptable way to divert attention away from the breakup, adding that a person should seek help from family, friends or professionals, such as the student counselling staff on campus, if he or she experiences wild mood swings, has persistent negative thoughts, or exhibits disturbing behaviours after a breakup.
Dr Chen also suggests that you should seek opportunities to talk to the other person about related topics while the relationship is still going well so you can understand each other’s thoughts on the subject and avoid an ugly breakup if things don’t work out in the future. Above all, she stresses the importance of not losing yourself in a relationship. ‘Even when you are in a relationship, you should still have your space, hobbies, friends, and whatever else that makes you feel happy and fulfilled, because this way not only can you bring your most confident self to the table, but you will also be able to quickly rebuild your life in case of a breakup.’
