Source: My UM

‘My left hand is a devil, betting on the ever-changing game of life in jest;

my right hand an angel, playing in the world of poetry with a giddy zest.’

This is how Wong In In, a Class of 2010 graduate of the Faculty of Business Administration, jokingly describes herself. In March 2016, Wong published her first book Yan Yan Yu Fei, a collection of poems she wrote over a course of ten years, under the pen name Luo Shu. Having worked in the gaming industry since graduation, Wong has seen all kinds of people and things, and she relies on writing to quieten the doubts and inner conflicts that often plague her. Indeed, writing seems to have become an outlet for Wong to vent her frustration at a life in which she has to constantly bow to reality and give up her passion.

‘Where the sunlight flickers, a snail crawls.’

Wong immigrated to Macao from mainland China at the age of 16. With no knowledge of the local language and few friends in a new city, she felt like she was air-dropped onto a deserted island. Feeling unhappy and bored, she took to reading and writing as a way to release her emotions, which not only led to her widely acclaimed long poem ‘Shi Er Li Ge’, but also opened up a fascinating new world for her.

But it wasn’t until after she joined UM that she began to read and fall in love with Chinese classics. She chose gaming management as her major because of her parents’ pressure, but in her second year, she began to take elective courses in the Department of Chinese Language and Literature. Over the three years she never missed a single class taught by Prof Tang Kwok Kwong. In fact, she attended the classes so diligently that she was often mistaken for a Chinese major. ‘What I learned during that period has had a great influence on my writing,’ she says. Her most frequented place on campus was the library. ‘I went to the library every day to read and write,’ she recalls. ‘My parents thought studying a business major would give me more career choices, but I was very clear that I loved writing, so I did my best to take advantage of the resources on campus.’

Wong once had a memorable encounter with Rector Wei Zhao. One day she fainted while walking on the campus. The rector’s car happened to pass by, and he stopped his car and drove Wong home. ‘I was deeply touched, and this incident made me love UM more,’ she says. Knowing that she would come back to the campus for our interview, she prepared a copy of her poetry book Yan Yan Yu Fei, with a thank-you message, for Rector Zhao, as a token of her gratitude.

‘With nothing but ragged clothes and a deck of cards, I feel like a king.’

In her fourth year at college, Wong worked as an part-time dealer at night in a local casino for a year. During that time, she saw all kinds of people and experienced firsthand some harsh truths about life. She has seen some people betting millions of dollars on a card game; she has also witnessed people at the bottom rung of society becoming addicted to gambling. ‘That experience was a real eye-opener and shook up my worldview,’ she says. ‘At one time I even became resentful that a college student like me had to work as a card dealer, and I sometimes asked myself if I should just follow the crowd.’ These negative emotions gradually built up inside of her, until one day she finally lost it and burst out crying after making a mistake with a payout to a winning client.

To tame her restless mind, she tried to find solace in the stories of scholars in ancient China, who were usually
contented with a life lacking in material possessions but rich in spiritual pursuit. And when she was under a lot of stress she would recite passages from Chu Ci to calm herself. She also used writing to vent her discontent with her life. She was torn by the big gap between ideal and reality, but she kept reminding herself to follow her heart. She has been working in the gaming industry for six years now, but deep down she always knows that writing is her true passion. ‘Perhaps writing is like a box of candy to me; it makes life less bitter,’ she says. ‘Or maybe it’s like a bottle of water in long-distance running, which gives me courage and keeps me going.’

‘Countless stars finally light up the sky.’

The historical figure Hua Mulan is Wong’s role model.‘I think it’s really cool for a woman to fight on the battlefield, which has always been a man’s domain,’ shesays. Her poem, ‘Xin Qu Mu Lan Ling’ (The New Ballad of Mulan) is an adaptation of ‘The Ballad of Mulan’, with a combination of classical Chinese poetry and modern poetry. Wong’s early life seemed to be filled with thwarted dreams and unwanted changes. She wanted to stay in her hometown Fujian but ended up in Macao. She hoped to study Chinese but had to follow her parents’ will and choose gaming management instead. ‘Perhaps writing is the only thing that I love and get to do,’ she says. ‘When I was younger, I would sometimes doubt myself and feel resentful towards life. But now that I’m older, I realise that not many people in the world can do what they are passionate about for a living. We all fantasize about going back to the past to change something, but we can also think about life this way: apart from the eight hours we spend working every day, we still have 16 hours left each day to create the life we want.’

Wong has won prizes at the Macao Literary Award four years in a row. In 2012, she was voted as one of the top 10 outstanding youth in Macao at an event organised by the Education and Youth Affairs Bureau. When asked about the title of her poetry book, Yan Yan Yu Fei, whose first two words are the same as her given name, she says, ‘I used to dislike my name. But one day Prof Tang said to me, “your name has its source in a phrase from Shi Jing, which means that you are destined to fly high.”’ That’s why I chose this phrase as the name for my book. It conveys my hope to be the driver of my own life and break free of worldly constraints.’